Something Satsuma's
by cloloveswah
Summary: Comical fic! Lets just say there's something going on at Leopards Den... Something... Satsuma's... Version with humours pics available see end of chapt1
1. Chapter 1

**Something 'Satsumas'**

_**There's something going on at Leopards Den.**_

_WITH MANY THANKS TO EMILY! GOOD TIMES!_

Both Danny and Alice were sat at the kitchen table, idly munching on a jam sandwich they'd managed to muster up out of the scarce supplies that seemed to occupy the fridge; which was strange – but then again Nomsa had probably gone to get it. They hadn't seen her today; they'd been working since early in the morning and by the time they came up to eat it was lunchtime and the loyal housemaid was nowhere to be seen.

Dup trudged into the kitchen and opened the fridge, fully expecting to see an array of food to choose from. He did a double take as he glanced at the empty fridge... what on Earth was going on?

"Where's all the bloody food?" Dup grumbled as he grabbed his last beer, "And beer?"

"Nomsa is probably out shopping now!" Danny replied.

"It's been like this for a few weeks now!" Dup moaned as he opened his bottle of Castle lager.

"Well if you treated her with some respect Dup..." Alice began as she rested one hand on her rather large bump.

"Ach, I do! I think she's up to something!" Dup announced.

"How many drinks have you had?" Danny laughed before glancing at Alice, "Loyal housemaid steals a Satsuma!"

"Oh no Danny! Too mild..." Alice chuckled, "Housemaid robs bank!"

"IT'S NOT BLIDDY FUNNY TREVANIONS!" Dup growled, shouting slightly, "Ach! I'm off!" He spat before stomping off as Danny and Alice giggled hysterically at the idea of Nomsa robbing a bank. God, Nomsa up to something? Dup did get some ideas in his head!

(x)

Nomsa smiled automatically as she saw him. She walked over, trusty bag in her hand as she made her way towards his fruit stall. He too grinned as he saw his favourite customer, looking her up and down slightly before pushing his rounded spectacles up his nose slightly.

"Good afternoon..." He whispered looking around.

"Good afternoon Nelson." Nomsa giggled back, "I need my Satsuma's."

Nelson winked as he grabbed her usual number and placed them in her bag as he handed it back he leaned close towards her ear, "Tomorrow... this time."

Nomsa simply giggled, squeezing his hand before rushing off.

(x)

Liv was sat out on the veranda with Danny, Alice and Thabo. They had all eaten their unlikely meal of fish fingers and chips from the freezer with a desert of... well, satsumas. All were in a hushed and deep conversation.

"It's strange... cos we have loads of Satsuma's." Thabo commented with a shrug, "I wonder if Nomsa is ok?"

"Who knows, you don't think she's thinking of leaving do you or she thinks she has too much to do?" Danny questioned as the four people tried to fathom why Nomsa would go so sloppy with her usually tight regime.

Olivia and Alice caught one another's eyes and smirked.

"Should we investigate? I mean it's been going on for about 2 weeks right?" Olivia asked, the rest of the family nodded. "Right... so what's changed?"

"Nothing." Danny replied, "I think it's nothing... I'll talk to her tomorrow."

"NO!" Thabo exclaimed, "It might be private..."

"What do you suggest Sherlock?" Liv teased nudging him slightly.

"I suggest we ask some questions in the township..." Thabo smiled smugly.

All four people nodded before heading off.

(x)

Another few days passed, with a lack of food and Nomsa missing on the pretence of going shopping.

"RIGHT!" Dupe announced as he stood up, a stick in his hand and a flipchart in the kitchen. All the family were around it but for Caroline who was also out. "We know that Nomsa has been spotted in the township every day on the market! Well found out Liv, Thabo, Charlotte." Dup nodded at them. "Right, we also know there's a lack of food and bliddy beer... and Nomsa claims she is happy according to Caroline who admits Nomsa seems VERY happy."

"DRUGS!" Fatani shouted who had also joined the table. The family all rolled their eyes, "What? Could be..."

"Right... so... there's only one mission left..."

The family waited, expectation in their eyes.

"Danny, Alice, you must follow her!"

"US?" Alice exclaimed, "But... she could be doing ANYTHING! As in ANYTHING! You see the picture I'm painting here?"

"Yes... and you and Danny are experts in such fields." Dup retorted causing Alice's mouth to drop as Danny too raised his eyebrows, "Well you are pregnant aren't you woman?" Dup shrugged, "And uh, you know to make a baby you kind of have too..."

"THANK YOU DUP!" Liv shouted above his ramble.

"It's NATURAL anyway." Alice grumbled. "Like you and..."

"STOP! TOO FAR ALICE!" Liv shouted,

"Sorry... yes... ewww." Alice screwed her face up slightly.

"THIS IS IMPORTANT!" Dup practically screamed, "Right, tomorrow you two follow her!"

"So what do we do?" Thabo asked.

"Collate evidence and make back up plans!" Dup announced, "Right, everyone clear?"

The family nodded, "Excellent, Fatani you're the man on the ground. Keep your ears open!"

"DISMISSED!"

(X)

Danny and Alice were sat in their Jeep, hidden by the trees as they bus rolled past. They spotted Nomsa at the front of the bus and both shared a smirk. Danny thrust the car into gear and slowly crawled behind the bus so not to be spotted.

"Yes Dup, we're following." Alice murmured into the radio, "She seems innocent."

As they reached the township, Danny quickly parked the car in the car park before taking Alice's hand. Both were sneaking through the township, Nomsa constantly in their eyeline.

"Ok, she's at the market." Alice whispered down the radio.

"Good, keep your eyes on her!" Dup replied, "Out."

Alice rolled her eyes before pulling Danny forward; both quickly jumped behind a tree watching her from a safe distance; she was defiantly looking shifty now.

"She's at the fruit store... getting Satsuma's off that new guy... aww look at him! He's got well cute glasses..." Alice giggled down the radio, however her giggled soon subsided, and her grip loosened causing Danny to dive for the radio. ".God."

"WHAT?" Liv's voice came over the radio, Charlotte too could be heard behind her.

"She's heading OFF with Satsuma guy!" Danny replied, his words slow through his shock.

"WELL FOLLOW THEM!" Thabo's voice came over the radio.

"BUT..." Alice gulped. "What if... Nomsa... Satsuma guy... is not Satsuma but sexsuma?"

"Alice that is so crude." Danny spat in disgust, "eww..."

"Same could be said for you two!" Liv replied, "Right, go check it out!"

"Why do we have to do this?" Danny asked as they followed Nomsa and her mystery man up towards the houses up the top of the township. "Eh up..."

"THEY'RE HOLDING HANDS!" Alice practically screamed down the radio as Danny pulled her into the trees once more as Nomsa looked up. "AWWWWW NOM NOM HAS A BOYFRIEND!"

"Alice shut up!" Danny growled, "She's gonna catch us!"

"Don't tell me to shut up! I'll stick one of his satsuma's so far up your arse you'll feel like you've had a di..."

"STOP HAVING A DOMESTIC AND FOLLOW HER, WHAT'S SHE DOING?" Charlotte shouted over the radio.

"Oh... they are at the steps... looking around..." Danny stood up to his full height. "Eww..."

"WHAT?" Alice asked him.

"They are like... they're in! Quick Alice!" Danny announced as he began to jog.

"I'm pregnant! I can't ruuu-DANNY!" Alice giggled as he picked her up gently and ran with her up to the house as she clung to his neck trying not to laugh.

"Ok... look inside." Dup requested.

"No chance." Alice retorted screwing up her face, "Oh... Danny do you have fifty rand?"

"What for?" Danny asked in a high pitched voice, it was then he noticed Alice eying up some of the teenagers. "Alice no..."

"Yes... Hand it over china." Alice said holding her hand out expectantly. Danny did so grumbling as he did so, she smiled smugly before walking over to the lads. "Right, you want an easy forty rand, go look in that house and tell me what the man and woman are doing in there right?"

"Sixty." Said the tallest, obviously the leader.

"Fifty. No more, no less." Alice bargained.

"Done... lady, where you be and when?" The tallest said as they shook hands in the typical way that everyone in the township did.

"Over by that tree, me and my husband will be there, do it now." Alice smiled, "You get a picture and I'll give you an extra ten rand."

"Make it twenty."

"Fifteen." Alice replied sternly, "And Lightey that's daylight robbery!"

The young lad nodded before pushing one of the smaller, younger boys forward. Alice nodded at him, pointed at the tree before moving over to it.

"Have another fifteen rand handy." Alice murmured.

"You do realise they could get a totally porno pic?" Danny asked.

"Yes, and as my husband you should know that your wife will sort that out." Alice winked, "Right wait."

It took the lads five minutes before the leader was down by the tree. He showed them the picture and Danny and Alice nodded.

"Right phone, I do the blue-toothing." Alice announced.

"Stukkie, you're good." The lad announced.

"Aye, so no ideas." Danny warned him as he watched Alice, he smiled as he watched delete the photo. She handed him the phone along with twenty rand, "Five rand for your troubles."

"Thanks... see you round brah." The lad nodded shaking her hand before nodding at Danny and walking off.

As soon as they were in the Jeep the couple were both huddled around Alice's iPhone. Alice gasped as Danny took her phone off her and frowned, mouth dropping open.

"Well well well... Nom Nom is a regular little minx." Alice chuckled, "Aww Danny... we're gonna have Nomsa babies running round with Satsuma man!"

"She's a bit old Alice..." Danny replied, "I'm just in... shock."

"DANNY WHAT IF THEY GET MARRIED... THEY CAN HAVE A SATSUMA CAKE!" Alice giggled, she placed her hands on her round bump as she felt their baby kick, "Baby agrees..."

Danny placed his hand over hers and smiled before picking up the radio, "Yeh Dup, we got a photo! Tell Liv to get her Laptop out!"

(X)

"Thank you Nelson..." Nomsa smiled at him as they stood just behind his closed front door.

"No thank you Nomsa. So when you telling them?"

"As soon as... I just need to find a way." Nomsa smiled, "I must go, they will be getting suspicious."

Nelson nodded before kissing her, handing her bag of groceries before Nomsa hastily left his house.

(x)

The whole family were staring the picture.

"What's his name?" Charlotte asked,

"Satsuma man." Danny laughed, "Your mum named him."

"He sells satsumas... he's why we have so many of them!"

"Right." Dupe nodded, "Now we have to find a way of getting this out in public and letting Nomsa know we know... Listen up..."

**A/N – PLEASE READ!**

**A VERSION WITH HUMOUROUS PICTURES WILL BE ADDED ONTO THE WILD AT HEART PROBOARDS FORUM VERY SHORTLY! PLEASE CHECK IT OUT :D**

**EMILYS DRAWING PICS NOW :p**

**There will also be more chapters!**


	2. Chapter 2

"We all clear?" Dup asked as he looked around all the family. Everyone nodded, wide smiles on upon their faces. "Good, get gone!"

Everyone began to walk off slowly, tomorrow the plan came into action.

(x)

"Hectic morning eh?" Alice murmured to Danny as they walked up arm in arm from the animal hospital where they'd spent the last three hours on an emergency brought in. Alice shouldn't have been there really but she'd insisted the minute she'd found the reason Danny had been getting out of bed at five am in the morning. The problem with pregnancy... her neediness meant Danny struggled to sneak away as she refused to let go of him.

"Yep... only about to get more hectic." Danny smiled referring to the Nomsa antics. They were to casually be in town as were Liv and Thabo.

"Hmm... and so because we're going to be so busy..." Alice murmured wrapping her arms around him, "You totally want to give your wife a kiss."

"Hmm?" Danny replied teasing her slightly as he held her close to him.

"Hmm..." Alice nodded, "Because she may kidnap you if you don't..."

"That's tempting." Danny grinned wickedly knowing full well she would be getting annoyed with him.

"Daniel." Alice said in a no nonsense tone of voice.

"Yes?" Danny whispered.

"You talk far too much sometimes." Alice murmured as she wrapped her arms tighter around his neck and pulled him down to her, their lips met in perfect unison. They were caught completely in the moment until...

"OH TREVANIONS!"

Both pulled away reluctantly, looking at Dup with almost malovent stares.

"You're meant to be on the mission not eating each other's faces off! She's heading off now! So out on your VISIT!" Dup growled before placing his hands on his hips.

"You have been around Caroline too long!" Alice retorted moodily; slightly annoyed at having her moment with Danny spoilt, "Come on D." Alice smiled taking his hand.

(x)

Charlotte gulped; she so hoped she did not mess this up; trust Dup to hear a conversation she'd been having with Liv, told her Mum who then wanted all the gossip and now Nomsa was being brought into it! Though thankfully the whole story was over exaggerated.

"Nomsa." Charlotte mumbled walking into the kitchen. She noticed Dup and Liv hiding round the corner.

"Yes?" Nomsa asked as she picked up her bag.

"Can I ask you some advice on um... boyfriends." Charlotte said, god, it was a good job she was good as drama!

"Oh... erm... well maybe you should erm..." Nomsa stammered, "you know your Mum or Liv would know more... than I do." By this stage Nomsa was reddening slightly.

"Mum I can't find her and Liv will laugh... do you think I'm too young and how do you like... you know... what do you do? I proper like this boy at school... we call him Satty because he loves Satsuma oranges." Charlotte struggled not to smirk at Nomsa's awkwardness. "Should I tell him..."

"I... um... I gotta go shopping... sorry Charlotte, ask your Mum when she comes home." Nomsa said before quickly mumbling a quick goodbye and fleeing from the house. Charlotte bit her lip in an attempt not to laugh as she turned to Dup and Liv and gave the pair a thumbs up.

"Charlie that was brill!" Liv exclaimed, "TOO funny!"

"Tell me about it!" Charlotte giggled as all three of them fell into a fit of hysterics... Nomsa was so totally rumbled.

(x)

An hour of driving round, well 'driving round' for Danny and Alice had finally led them to township and in particular to the market where they were under the pretence of grabbing some lunch before heading off to an appointment Alice had (the reason Liv and Thabo were also going to come to the township later on). The couple were walking around lazily hand in hand, talking avidly as they acted as normal as possible. Smiling and greeting people as many of the kind hearted locals passed many well wishes to the pair and enquired about the baby.

"Baby Trevanion is a little celebrity." Danny smiled squeezing his wife's hand as they walked towards the fruit stall.

"Aye." Alice replied nodding in agreeance; gently running a hand over her bump affectionately, she stopped and pointed to the fruit stall causing Danny to smirk. "Let's go."

As the pair walked forward slowly and quietly being as careful as ever not to be seen; they noticed Nomsa and her lover passing Satsuma's to one another, their hands lingering slightly. Both smirked, trying their damn hardest not to laugh or snigger.

"Nomsa!" Danny exclaimed under the pretence of shock.

"Danny... I..." Nomsa began to stammer as her hands quickly flew away from the mans.

"We didn't realise you'd still be out shopping, you've been shopping so much recently!" Alice smiled, "And there's been so many satsuma's too, is this the supplier?"

"Yes, my name is Nelson, Nelson Tshabalala. I own this fruit store." Nelson smiled offering his hand to both Danny and Alice who took it happily enough.

"Danny and Alice Trevanion." Danny grinned, "We've just come to pick up an apple, someone." He smiled looking down at Alice as he placed his arm around her, "Wishes for an apple!"

"The baby wants an apple." Alice corrected him, tapping his nose playfully as they put on a display of public and rather sickly affection; they usually saved the cheesy, sickly kind to the refinements of their bedroom or the animal hospital. The grounds at a push but in the township; never!

Nelson smiled slightly as he noticed Nomsa blushing bright red; he quickly bagged an apple up for Alice and offered it the pair on the house.

"Oh! Thank you! Somebody must be a lucky lady! You're a gentleman!" Alice exclaimed before winking at Nomsa, "See you later."

"Bye." Danny repeated, before the pair walked off only managing to contain their laughter for a couple of minutes before they too burst out into an uncontrollable laughter.

(x)

"They know!" Nomsa cried.

"You need to tell them." Nelson replied, taking her hands over the fruit stall. He picked up a Satsuma in one hand, "Here... take this. Every time you eat one remember... it symbolizes my love for you!"

Nomsa sighed and nodded, she would tell the family... as soon as she knew how to that is!


End file.
